


They’re idiots, your honour

by Serpents_Sky



Series: Welcome to the Chaos Squad [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Exams, Hell, Humor, Levi is So Done (Shingeki no Kyojin), M/M, Midterms, They all belong in the Chaos Squad and here’s fucking why, Whatever you want to call it, sometimes smart people make dumb decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29084703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serpents_Sky/pseuds/Serpents_Sky
Summary: Midterms have made their appearance on the horizon. The students cower in fear as they tremble from the stress.With so much brain cells devoted to studying, it’s nothing more than logical other decisions get a bit.. wonky. Or at least, that was Gunther’s excuse.AKA, what midterms do to your person.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Oluo Bozado & Eld Jinn & Petra Ral & Gunther Schultz & Erwin Smith, Levi/Eren Yeager, Oluo Bozado & Eld Jinn & Petra Ral & Gunther Schultz
Series: Welcome to the Chaos Squad [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103549
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	They’re idiots, your honour

It was dark. The lights were off and only small specks of light managed to get through the drawn curtains. The normally so lively living room was silent. The air was tense and solemn. But the room was not empty. Four people had gathered there for a purpose. Dressed in dark clothes and somber faces, they stood as they prepared for the task ahead of them.

Gunther was the one who broke the heavy silence. “Eld”, he asked, voice hushed. "Do you have all the materials?"

“Yes”, Eld said softly, brandishing the goods. The other three looked them over and nodded. The sacrifice was acceptable. Eld nodded back and placed them on their designated spots along the pentagram.

“Oluo?” Oluo nodded as he lighted the candles, the small flames highlighting the deep shadows beneath his eyes and the twist of his mouth. Yes, it would be unholy, their attempt, but dark times called for dark measures. It seemed that Oluo knew this as well, for he did his duty and lighted the five candles. Despite his clear hesitance, his hands did not falter, even if they trembled.

Finally, he blew out the match and handed them to Gunther. He accepted them and turned to the incense stick they had already prepared. With a ‘flick’, a match was lightened. Within seconds, the room started smelling of sandalwood.

He looked around the room. It seemed like the preparations were completed.

“Is everyone ready?” Eld asked, making sure to look each of them in the eye. His face was set in a deep frown. Gunther nodded when it was his turn. He couldn’t back out now. “In that case”, Eld said, turning to their only female companion. “Petra, please lead the chant.”

She nodded, solemn. Her robe dragged across the ground as she walked forward. Then she kneeled, her garment flaring behind her. The rest followed, getting seated in a circle around the candles and placing themselves on equal distance from the other. Gunther reached out his hand, feeling a tingle of nerves as he felt Petra’s and Oluo’s hand settle into his. They had formed the connection. There was no going back now.

Petra took a deep breath and visibly steeled her nerves. Still, her voice rang loud and clear when she spoke.

_“To you, Son of Creation itself_

_Rebel from the soul and cast from heaven_

_Hear our pleads, Oh Mighty Lord_

_We shall kneel to the ground_

_So you may hear us, from where you rest, beneath the Earth”_

Rhythmical hums vibrated in the air as the other three joined in, their voices echoing in the dark room. The candles flickered, as if sensing the adding tension in the air.

_“We burn these candles_

_A piece of fire from your domain_

_Hear these words and come to our aid_

_In our greatest need, we call for you”_

Murmurs started on Gunther’s right and he felt a shiver go down his spine. The small flames cast shadows in the darkness in the room, which twisted and curled with each flicker of the flame. The higher voice mixed with the humming and the murmurs, a crescendo as the third verse began.

_“You are the salvation of men_

_We abandon ourselves wholly to your power_

_All hail, the ruler of the depths of the earth_

_The fallen one”_

Petra took a deep breath, tightening the hold on his hand. Finally she started to last verse.

_“If you hear our pleas_

_And feel our desperation_

_To these lowly sinners_

_Show yourself”_

The lights turned on.

___________

If you asked Gunther, the summoning had been going pretty well. He didn’t know where Petra had gotten the chant from, but it sounded pretty legit. The three of them had joined her after the first verse, by humming. It had sounded very eerie, if he may say so. Oluo had even started to chant something under his breath by the time they arrived at the second verse. It was either Latin, prayers or paragraphs out of a textbook and of the things that drove them to desperation. If it was Latin, then Gunther couldn’t help but bow his head in respect. He couldn’t even remember what he had been reading about two hours ago. On second thought. If had it been a paragraph out of a textbook, he’d be even more impressed. And jealous. Very jealous.

For something they cobbled together about an hour ago, things had been going pretty well. That, however, did not mean he expected anything to happen. He didn’t believe in heaven or hell. In fact, he found the fact that someone would either spend eternity suffering or in paradise, an odd idea. Life had too many grey areas. Most people weren’t saintly or evil. So yeah. He hadn’t expected a demon to rise out of the pentagram. Or anything at all, really. He was desperate and overworked, but not on the level that he was ready to switch to a religion. He also knew for a fact that none of the others were religious and, therefor, also hadn’t expected anything to happen. So, imagine their collective surprise as Petra chanted ‘show yourself’ and the lights flickered on, revealing one tall blond and a shorter raven. Pandemonium was not a word one commonly used, but it was the only one Gunther could describe what happened after.

“AAAAAHH!”

“WE SUMMONED ERWIN!”

“I TOLD YOU GUYS HE WAS A DEMON!”

“GET THE HOLY WATER, WHAT THE FUCK!”

From the doorway, Erwin and Levi watched, stunned, as their friends tripped over themselves in haste.

In this haste, Oluo pushed over a candle. And, because Oluo had that kind of luck, it landed right on one of the sacrifices. The sacrifice, being made on paper, or more specifically, a textbook, started to burn a second later. The fire seemed to awaken the two newcomers from their daze.

“Get something to extinguish the fire!” Levi yelled, eyes wide.

Gunther nodded, Levi’s voice forcing him into action. Right He looked around wildly. They had a bucket of water somewhere that Eld blessed per the instructions of the Internet. He spotted the bucked in a corner of the room. There! He ran over to it, picked it up and ran back. He intended to throw it over the fire. He swore he did. However, in his exhausted brain, a neuronal synapse misfired. So instead, he threw it over Erwin.

The blond blinked. His eyes were dry, all the water held up at his eyebrows. That should be funny. He frowned, trying to remember why he should laugh. A punch to the shoulder interrupted his thinking progress. Ow. By his side, Petra stood, fuming. “What are you doing?!”

He turned to Petra, helpless. “That was the holy water!” That was not the correct thing to say, because Petra’s cheeks puffed out like a squirrel.

“I KNOW THAT WAS THE HOLY WATER! WE NEEDED THAT TO PUT OUT THE DEMON FIRE, YOU JACKASS.”

“Oh”, he said dazedly. “You’re right.” He took of running again. He didn’t know why or where to, but it felt like the right thing to do. Note to self, stop forgetting how scary Petra was when sleep deprived.

_____________

Levi had taken pity on them- or on himself- and stamped out the fire. Now, all of them were sitting before him, on the ground, like a bunch of bad schoolchildren in front of a teacher. Or, a very stressed single-mother. Gunther blinked at the thought. It was oddly fitting, but he could kiss life goodbye if Levi even caught a hint of that thought. On second thought, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, he mused as he cast a look at the smoldering remains of one of their ‘sacrifices’. At least, if he was dead, he wouldn’t need to see one of those ever again. Seemed like it was Eld’s sacrifice that caught flame, though. Pity.

“What”, Levi hissed. “Were you guys doing?”

Gunther thought the crudely drawn pentagram, the textbooks and notes in the pentagram, the incense, and the (now unlit) candles were enough of an explanation, but he wisely shut his mouth.

“Levi”, Petra said, in her patented ‘I’m sweet and innocent, please take mercy on me’ tone. “The midterms have started.”

“High-risk, high-rewards”, Oluo added. “Sacrifices had to be made.” The look on his face turned distant. “There was no being on earth that could save us now. And God has not answered our pleas. We did what we had to do.”

“You were trying to summon a demon”, Levi said slowly, as if he couldn’t believe how stupid they were. “To help you with the exams.”

He let such an aggrieved sigh that Gunther almost felt sorry for him. Almost. But Levi wasn’t the one who had been studying until five o’clock in the morning for days on end. In fact, he looked like a responsible adult. As if he ate healthily and partook in eight hours of sleep each night. Gunther couldn’t relate. In fact, he sincerely couldn’t remember the last time he felt well rested. Seemed like he wasn’t the only one either. By his side, Petra squared her shoulders, looking faintly ridiculous in her oversized sweater, joggings and Eld’s bathrobe.

“Levi”, She said solemnly. “I have not slept in fifty hours. If I have to remember one more artery or disease, I will go mad. I am completely and utterly capable of great violence. One more look at my books, and I will dissect someone, just so I have a practical example of how to body functions.” Oluo scooted away a bit. Understandable. If he looked at the way her eye twitched, he wouldn’t want to be in stabbing distance either.

“You do not understand our struggles”, Eld added. He was still frowning, as he had been doing since three days ago. That was when the headache had appeared that hadn't let off since. Considering Eld was prone to stress headaches and it was currently hell-week, he was pretty sure that frown would stick around for quite some time. “You’re skipping university”, Eld continued. “You have a stable income. You can’t understand the sheer, single-minded despair and stress we’re experiencing.” He gestured to Oluo. “Look at him. He’s twenty and he already looks like he’s forty. The stress does things to his skin.”

Oluo didn’t even have the energy to yell at the insult. His hands were still shaking. Ten cups of coffee did that to a man.

Levi wasn’t in the mood for empathy, if the look on his face was any indication. “You losers all decided you wanted to go to college. Don’t make it my problem.”

“Now, now, Levi”, Erwin said with a gentle chuckle as he walked towards the group. “Have a bit of mercy.” He had disappeared as soon as the situation was under control, presumably to dry of his face. Gunther couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty for that. Eld had claimed the water needed to have blessed? salt, so he had basically threw semi-holy, downgraded seawater into someone’s face. He was lucky the eyebrows had stopped most of it. Salt burned when it came into contact with your eyes, blessed or not. Erwin didn’t seem to hold a grudge, even though his shirt and hair were still damp. Instead, he gently sat down the tray he was carrying and handed each of them a cup of tea. “Here, drink this. It’s peppermint tea. It will help you to relax and calm your mind. Mike recommended it to me.”

Gunther took his, sighing happily at the warmth and the soothing smell. He didn’t recognize it, which meant that this was from Erwin’s personal stash. He took a small sip. This man was a good one. He may be plotting world domination, but Gunther would gladly follow him if he did. Especially if he abolished student loan debt, as he once promised when he was doing one of his drunk-speeches.

Levi snorted, tapping his foot in irritation. “If shitty-ass tea was the only fucking thing needed to make their ass feel better, they wouldn’t be in this shit, now would they?”

Erwin just smiled, holding out a cup for Levi to take, completely unfazed. Levi scowled and took it, gently lifting it from the top.

Eld had taken small sips of the warm liquid and settled into a more comfortable position, frown smoothed out a bit. “Not that I’m not happy to see you”, he said. “But is there a reason for your visit?”

Levi stared at him, before sighing. “In case you forgot, my boyfriend goes to the same university as you. He’s currently laying siege to my dining table and is ass-deep into research about slavery or what not. If I hang around, I’d become a wall to bounce ideas of off. So I texted Erwin and he decided he wanted to see you lot.”

Ah, yes. A student in a research-frenzy was truly a terrifying thing.

That seemed interesting enough to pierce through Petra’s (hopefully not filled with stabby and murder thoughts) mind fog, because she raised an eyebrow. “Eren is bunking with you?”

“Yeah. He can focus better there and I can keep an eye on him to make sure he - ” Here, he looked at all of them- “doesn’t do anything stupid. Also”, he continued, looking at the kitchen where a truly shameful amount of ramen cups had piled up. “To make sure he eats enough. Besides, if he wouldn’t stay over, between his studying and my work, we wouldn’t see each other at all. So it works out for both of us.”

He frowned. “You’ve only been dating for a few months. How are you already this level of married?” The glare Levi sent him was withering and would be very frightening if Gunther was not so ready to high-five Death.

“Now now”, Erwin said with a chuckle. “Leave Levi’s love life alone. There are more important matters I wish to discuss with you.”

Gunter’s spine stiffened. There wasn’t anything odd about Erwin’s tone. In fact, he seemed and sounded as composed as ever. And yet…

“I understand that this is a stressful time for everyone”, Erwin said calmly. “However, if you aren’t taking care of yourself, you can’t achieve the best results. The best studying is done with a good balance between work and relaxation. You’ve got to give your brain time to rest and process the information you’re feeding it.” He looked at each and every one of them, joining Levi, who was already trying to mentally pierce holes through them with his eyes alone. “Your bodies are warning you they’re at their limit, yet you foolishly ignore them and waste time planning for a demon summoning of all things. All of you are young and bright. I have no doubt you worked hard these last couple of days. Therefor, I think that it’s time you all took a well-deserved night off and went to bed early.” He smiled widely, showing of his pearly teeth. “Don’t you agree?”

Petra suddenly stood up. “I think I’m going to sleep now.” With the teacup still clutched in her hands, she walked to her room, bathrobe dragging behind her dramatically. And Erwin might have a point on that whole lack of rest thing, because Gunther normally wasn’t so slow on the uptake. Erwin’s tone. His smile. The tea. The careful punctuation of his words. Levi’s eyes, boring into them. That wasn’t a suggestion. It was an order. Gunther shivered. He had seen what the two of them had done to Hanji when they refused to sleep. He shot up, tea almost spilling over the edge of the mug.

“I- I think I’ll go to too. Goodnight.” He turned and marched away. Behind him, he could hear the two of them, seemingly satisfied by his and Petra’s leave.

“Oluo, drink the shitty tea. If you try to walk now, you’ll end up kissing the floor.”

“Eld, wait up. Shall we see if we can do something about that headache of yours?”

Terrifying. But still, really good friends. Gunther smiled to himself. When their exams were over, they should take them out for dinner as an apology.

___________

When Levi returned to his home, the brat was in the same position as he left him in. Seated at the dining table, staring at his laptop and scribbling notes in the notebook next to him.

He left the brat to his own devices, for now. He walked to the kitchen and checked the fridge. The leftovers were gone. Seemed like the brat had listened when he told him to eat while he was away. He looked over to the table. The carafe with water was fairly full, but since it had been emptier when he left, he surmised the brat had been drinking enough.

He walked towards the table. Eren didn’t greet him yet, absorbed in his work. He made sure to step a bit louder than he normally did. He probably knew Levi was there from the moment he walked through the door, but he didn’t want to startle the brat.

He tapped Eren’s shoulder. As expected, he didn’t flinch, turning halfway around in his chair. At the sigh of his face, a smile blossomed on Eren’s face.

Levi own lips twitched. He leaned forward. “Kiss?”

Eren’s smile widened and he turned completely, knees resting on the chair. The kiss was chaste. That didn’t make it any less warm. They moved back, resting their foreheads together. “Welcome back”, Eren greeted softly. “Did you have fun?”

Levi couldn’t help it. A breathless laugh escaped him. Fun was one way to say it. The sheer stupidity would be hilarious one day. And serve as fantastic blackmail. Right now, however… “My friends are idiots”, he stated, feeling the exasperation return.

Eren huffed, moving further back, giving him skeptical look, even if his tone was indulgent. “Aren’t they always?”

Sometimes, Levi wished he trash talked people a little less, just so people would take him seriously when he said something like this. “No”, he stressed. “They’re really big idiots. Morons. They have the brain capacity of a fucking fish.”

“Uh-hu.” Eren didn’t sound any less indulgent

“They tried to summon a demon.”

Now that seemed to startle him. He blinked, eyes wide in confusion. “Excuse me?”

It was always nice to have someone confirm your feelings for you. If Eren, who did batshit crazy things every other week, thought this was strange, then Levi’s emotions were more than justified. “They tried to summon a demon”, he repeated. “Apparently, they wanted its ‘guidance’ so they would survive their exams.”

“Ah.”

And there went the satisfaction. Levi narrowed his eyes in suspicion. There was way too much understanding in that word. Without wasting another word, he pulled Eren to his feet and swept them off them. Eren let out a little cry of surprise as the floor disappeared beneath him.

“What the, what- ” He spluttered. “Put me down! I still have stuff to do.”

Levi corrected his hold, so Eren wouldn’t be able to jump out. “How long have you been studying?”

“Not that long! Besides, I took a break during dinner.”

“It’s getting dark and you’ve been studying since you came back from classes. Tomorrow is another day. Now come on. You’re going to sleep.”

“You know, you would make a really good nanny”, Eren snarked, kicking his legs in protest.

Levi smothered a curse as the balance shifted. Then another, as Eren’s eyes lit up. “Oho. What is this?” He grinned. “Am I becoming too tall for you to hold?” Levi’s eyes narrowed. Eren blinked, faux innocently. What’s wrong, LeVII _._ With one smooth movement, he had swung Eren over his shoulder instead. The brat scrambled for grip, ending upside down, with both arms around his waist. He wheezed, the sound smothered by Levi’s shirt.

“I hate you.”

“Shut up, Eren”, Levi snapped. “I’m not dealing with another one, not after today. As long as you stay here, you’ll follow my rules.”

Eren grumbled, but didn’t protest. That was the arrangement. Levi didn’t mind Eren holing up inside the apartment during midterms. His dorm room was often too noisy and the library was packed. Eren couldn’t focus as well there. But as long as he stayed here, he had to follow Levi’s rules. Which meant no studying till morning, no skipping meals or surviving on ramen and maintaining personal hygiene. As far as Levi was concerned, no matter the circumstances, Eren should maintain some fucking self-respect and take care of himself. If he needed someone to be his voice of reason, so be it. His eyes twitched as he remembered the pentagram. Unconsciously, his grip tightened.

“Levi?” Eren asked. He squirmed, trying to move up. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re going to stay here until the end of midterms.” His voice was final.

Eren huffed. “Like I wasn’t already planning that. You have no idea how loud Jean chews. And Armin's books are everywhere. If I have to trip over one of them one more time- ” He patted his boyfriend’s leg, before he could start another rant about terrible habits of him roommates. Eren seemed to catch the hint, because he switched topic. “What brought this on?”

Levi shrugged, slowly making his way to the bedroom. He wanted to sleep. He deserved sleep.

“If they can do something as crazy as this, who knows what you would come up with.” He frowned. He intended that as a joke, but thinking about it… It seemed like the insanity was caused by the stress and sleeplessness. He might have dodged a real bullet by letting Eren stay over. If his friends would do something do dumb, he didn’t want to know what Eren could do. That brat’s charisma shone at all the worst moments. Only thinking about it gave him a headache.

“’Excuse me!” Eren sounded insulted. “I have never even tried to summon a demon!”

“That’s because you’re evil enough on your own.” He sighed, walking through his bedroom door. He had Eren here now. Everything would be fine. Erwin had put the fear of God in the dumbasses, so he was sure they would wake up rested. Maybe too well. It wouldn’t surprise him if Erwin had decided to drug them. Petra and Gunther went to sleep real easy. They were knocked out cold when Levi left. But that could be the exhaustion talking. Well, whatever. He had his hands full with Eren and work. Worrying about their morality was for people that didn’t have a group of morons to take care of.

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative title:  
> Eren’s friends might be morons, but Levi’s aren’t any better
> 
> Also. People who can’t relate to any of this never went to school, is one of those terrifying hyper competent people or is a fucking liar.


End file.
